Needless to say, this story starts off with me running late. Really late. The boat people ask you to arrive one hour before the boat is scheduled to disembark. They want to cover certain details like liability waivers, safety on board a boat, appropriate clothing, how to wear the gear, etc. Well I arrived about 10 minutes prior to departure.
When I got there, the group was seated outside just wrapping up the safety lecture. I heard about the last garment of a whole collection that they provide for the passengers. Luckily, the woman giving the speech gave us "one last opportunity" to run inside and put away any sunglasses or car keys because loose items will certainly fall overboard. So, I ran inside straight to the front desk to check in really quickly!
Jaws dropped.
"You JUST got here?? They are ready to leave now!"
Yes, I just got there and I know I'm really late BUT I was just outside with the group and I heard the whooooole safety speech because I decided that THAT would be more important to hear rather than coming in here and checking in right away.
OK. So I told a little white lie. I didn't hear that whole speech, but that girl would never know that. Besides, I've been on a boat before- how could this one be any different?
That was just what she needed to hear.
She slipped me a waiver to sign, I have her my purse to hide, and we both RAN out the door to the dock to catch up with the others. I had no time to change my clothes. Guess I was gonna get soaked in skinny jeans! (Man, are those hard to get off when they're wet!)
The dock was full of all those clothes that they doubtlessly addressed in the safety speech. I needed help getting them all on in the right order. It made no sense! Turns out those clothes weren't meant to keep me dry, but rather to keep me warm while speeding along the water at cheek-flapping speeds while totally soaked to the bone. I mean totally. Down. to. the. panties. I had to change clothes entirely upon our return.
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| Suited up and so stylish! |
We started to board. They reminded us that the first four rows receive the highest impact and feel the most on the water, so if we have a bad back or neck don't sit there.
Hmmm, ya I kinda DO have a bad back...maybe I should sit farther back....
The uncertainty builds.
I watch as the other passengers board one by one. Suddenly, a woman slips! She's down! Where did she go? The groans! She's crying!! What happened?? It takes three men to lift her and her twisted knee off the boat and haul her away. She does not get to ride the speed boat today.
OMG THE DANGER IS REAL!!! HOLY MOLY! AND I SIGNED THAT WAIVER!! WHAT DID IT SAY?? I DIDN'T EVEN READ IT BECAUSE THERE WAS NO TIME! DAMMIIITTTTT!!
This just got real.
Once everyone was seated, Safety Lady gets to the front to remind us to remain seated, keep our hands on the safety rail and don't forget to fasten that seat belt! Just reach right under your seat to find that safety belt and buckle up!
Wait. What seat belt?
I searched frantically for my seat belt. Under the seat, to my left, to my right, in front of me, under the seat again. THERE WAS NO SEAT BELT!! I looked around like maybe I could see someone else doing it and figure it out. In the meantime, the guys behind me were getting a good chuckle watching me panic. Jerks. This is serious!!
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| O God, what have I done? |
"Just kidding! Aha hah hah ha"
Safety Lady made a joke! There really is no seat belt!! I swear I was the last one on the boat to figure it out. Not cool.
After that... I had a great time!!! I was all worried for nothing! Look, the only scardy-cats with bad backs that sat farther back than me were these super old guys!
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| I mean, ancient. |
Even they had a great time! I guess thrill seekers never age.
Check out the videos from the ride!
Surfing the Rapid
The Hamilton Turn
And of course there are even more videos from the river if you peruse my channel.
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